What is your Parenting Style?
Posted: Monday, May 16, 2005
by Dr Virgil Davis
Parenting Styles and Social-Emotional Development
Most parents, naturally, want their children to grow up to be socially and emotionally competent. Certainly there is no shortage of "expert" child-rearing advice, from talk shows, how-to books, parents and in-laws, and well-meaning friends. Unfortunately, much of this advice is based on armchair logic rather than solid empirical evidence. However, a good deal of psychological research provides important insights into how different parenting styles affect a child’s social and emotional development. I briefly summarize the evidence here. Research conducted by Stanley Coopersmith (1967) and Diana Baumrind (1971) identified three specific styles of parenting: permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative.
AUTHORITARIAN PARENTS In sharp contrast to the permissive style, authoritarian parents rely on strictly enforced rules as they try to make their children adhere to their standards. Authoritarian parents tend to be autocratic, leaving little room for discussion of alternative points of view and often using punishments to ensure compliance. Authoritarian parents generally direct minimal warmth, nurturance, or communication toward their children.
AUTHORITATIVE PARENTS The third type of parents, authoritative parents, also have definite standards or rules that children are expected to meet. Unlike authoritarian parents, however, they typically solicit their children’s opinions during open discussions and rule-making sessions. Although children understand that certain standards of behavior are expected, they are also encouraged to think independently, and they acquire a sense that their viewpoints carry some weight. Both authoritarian and authoritative parenting styles seek to control children’s behaviors. However, the former tries to achieve this goal through restrictive control without open communication, while the latter establishes reasonable rules in an atmosphere of warmth and open dialogue.
There is convincing evidence that neither the permissive nor the authoritarian parenting styles are conducive to developing social and emotional competence in children. Children of permissive parents tend to be immature, impulsive, dependent on others, and low in self-esteem. Because they have received so little guidance, they are often indecisive in new situations. Children from authoritarian homes may also have difficulty deciding how to behave, because they are worried about their parents’ reactions. Authoritarian-reared children are also less likely to express curiosity and positive emotions, and they tend to have few friends.
It is probably no surprise to you that the most well-adjusted children in these studies tended to be those of authoritative parents. This style of parenting provides a structure reflecting parents’ reasonable expectations and realistic standards within an overall atmosphere of love and trust. Perhaps one of the primary advantages of this style is that it provides children the greatest sense of control over their lives. Their participation in family discussions means that the rules that ultimately emerge have been negotiated, rather than being arbitrarily imposed. Also, since authoritative parents tend to enforce rules with consistent, predictable discipline, children are more likely to acquire a sense of control over the consequences of their actions.
We have seen that parenting styles seem to influence the behaviors children express as they develop. The evidence is of a correlational nature, however, and correlation does not necessarily imply cause and effect. Perhaps authoritatively reared children are more socially and emotionally competent because of the manner in which they have been reared. However, it is also possible that some other characteristic coincidentally associated with authoritative parents may be the key factor. For example, parents who raise children in such a reasonable fashion may also have better relationships with one another thus, their children’s emotional and social development is likely to progress in a healthy fashion free of the stresses imposed by family conflicts.
It has also been suggested that some of Baumrind’s findings could reflect child-to-parent effects rather than parent-to-child effects (Lewis, 1981). Perhaps children who are socially and emotionally well adjusted, for reasons other than parenting practices, may elicit more reasonable, democratic responses from their parents than do children who are less competent and more belligerent.
In all, we cannot conclude with absolute certainty that child-rearing practices influence the social and emotional competence of children. Nevertheless, the evidence certainly indicates a high probability that this is the case.
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)This is an enlightening article. We should all be aware of our parenting styles. If more people paid attention to how they raised their children they wouldn't have to ask the question" where did I go wrong"?
Quality parenting makes all the difference in the development of any child. This article is very informative.
i thought this was real interesting if u have any more articles on parenting let me know sometimes i think i am going about parenting the wrong way but i have only been a full time parent for about 6 months because where i was in foster care.
I believe it is necessary to know as much as possible about parenting. Whether or not you are a parent or going to be. I have two young boys of my own and am always interested in any way to help my parenting skills. I find it fascinating how you are so involved in psychology and do what you love to do... teach. No matter how you teach it's great. Whether it's through class, articles it doesn't matter. Thank you.
Dr. Davis, This was very interesting...I was pleased to find that when I put myself in a parenting catorgory that you listed, I am doing the right thing for my children!
Dr. Davis, I have read about these categories of parenting and I fit somewhere in between. However, because of my upbringing, I do lean more toward being authoritarian. I am a single parent of two daughters and their lives are quite different from the traditional family setting I came from. So, I try to be more objective and lenient in some situations. I'm having great success so far in gaining both trust and respect from my daughters as opposed to having them 'fear' me. Opposed to the way I was raised, there is a lot more dialogue and open-end discussion about decisions I make. I also keep in mind advise that came from Dr. Bill Cosby; to never be afraid or ashamed to apologize to your child if you're wrong. Another fine one, Dr. V. Thanx.You are a fine parent Renee and come from a fine family (I know..ha) Your daughters are very fortunate to have such a caring parent. Keep up the fantastic work...tell Kip that Uncle V said hello!
Yes, this article is very helpful because I was unaware of my parenting style. Like most I just do what my parents did. Luckily my parents where authoratative and autherian because they drew boundaries and then gave me choices within those boundaries. I love my children and hope to be the best parent I can be, having said that, I do make mistakes and say 'I'm sorry' if I hurt your feelings or you don't feel I am being fair. My other favorite saying is 'this is not a democracy this is a momocracy'
Humm....So Davis is writing a "parenting" article!!! What a joke! My observation is that his parenting style is do everything for your kids and buy them everything they want no matter what the cost. You usually do have good kids if you don't have to argue with them about anything because your answer is NEVER "No"!
Excellent information on Parenting Skills. Thank you Dr Davis! You are an exceptional man and educator.
Woo Hooooo! More authoritative parents in the world PLEASE! Love this post! Love my relationship with my daughter who is an amazing kid. I have had much help developing my own brand of authoritative parenting. May this message get out to every new parent so they can know the JOY!
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